Co-Parenting Counseling

At Sparrow Counseling, our main goal in co-parenting counseling is to help parents work together smoothly for the sake of their kids. We know that kids do best when their parents get along and stay involved in their lives, even if they aren't together anymore. Co-parenting counseling is like having a coach who helps you and your ex talk and plan better. This counselor doesn't take sides but instead helps both parents understand each other and work together. This way, you can focus on what's best for your kids now and in the future, instead of getting stuck on past arguments. Co-parenting counseling can really change things for the better, making life easier for both you and your kids.

Our main goal with the coparents we work with is for them to learn how to execute the court-ordered parenting plan with the least amount of conflict possible. Why? Because all of the research studies that have been done on children of divorce in the last 40 years has told us that co-parent conflict is the number one factor that determines how children fare during and after their family’s divorce experience. So, be prepared to hear us say this many times going forward. Every issue you bring to the table will be gauged against that standard. How much conflict will this create and how will that affect the children? Period.

Navigating co-parenting when residual feelings linger can be particularly challenging. At Sparrow Counseling, we understand that transitioning from partners to co-parents involves redefining your relationship into something more akin to a business partnership, focused primarily on the well-being of your children. Business partners have goals for their business.  We teach our coparents that their business goal is now healthy thriving children.  Co-parenting counseling plays a pivotal role in this transition by helping coparents learn how to create a less emotionally triggered relaiotnship to one where they are making decisions in the children’s best interest and fostering a new foundation of trust and mutual respect for their children’s sake.

Often, divorced couples carry narratives that paint their interactions but may not reflect the whole truth. Our co-parenting counseling aims to dismantle these narratives, revealing them as misconceptions rather than facts, which is crucial for healing and building a new, healthy co-parenting dynamic. While this counseling does not directly heal the personal pain and hurt from your divorce—that journey requires individual therapy—it greatly assists in establishing a functional and respectful co-parenting relationship.  We do this by modeling how to have business meetings where decisions need to be made for your children’s sake.  

For the sake of your children, who face their own challenges in adjusting to family changes, it’s vital to minimize conflict. Our goal is to teach our coparents how to minimize conflict.  Why?  Because we know that over 40 years of research tells us that parental conflict is the number one issue that hurts children of divorce.  We believe that there is hope for a new beginning where both parents collaborate effectively, ensuring a stable and positive future for their children. 

Establishing clear boundaries is a crucial aspect of effective co-parenting, but it's common for co-parents to struggle with understanding what topics are appropriate to discuss and which should be avoided. A co-parenting counselor can be instrumental in defining these new boundaries, ensuring both parents understand what aspects of their lives are relevant to their co-parenting responsibilities and which are personal.

For instance, discussions about new significant relationships should only occur if they directly impact the children, and how the other parent manages their finances for personal items is typically not a concern unless it affects the children’s needs. Understanding and accepting that certain aspects of your former spouse's life are no longer your concern can be liberating and frustrating. However, this allows you to focus on what truly matters—the well-being of your children—and to foster a co-parenting relationship built on respect and autonomy. Learning to "let go and let God" involves making peace with the fact that your lives are separate in many ways, which is essential for healthy co-parenting.

In co-parenting counseling at Sparrow Counseling, the focus is primarily on addressing specific parenting issues that both parents are facing. Each parent is encouraged to bring one or two agenda items to the session, which can range from scheduling and educational decisions to health, discipline, and communication issues. Let’s face it there as so many decisions that need to be made in raising children. These discussions are particularly impactful as they allow both parents to challenge and correct any misconceptions they may have about each other as well as get on the same page about decisions for their children.  This also helps the children to know that mom and dad have discussed issues and have made decisions together in their best interest.

Sitting down together with the guidance of a neutral third party facilitates a productive dialogue that helps each parent understand the other’s perspective more clearly. This setup not only fosters a cooperative approach to parenting but also provides a significant opportunity for both parents to move forward constructively, shedding the weight of past grievances. Our goal in these sessions is to create a space where open, honest communication can lead to effective co-parenting strategies, enabling both parents to work together for the well-being of their children rather than staying stuck in their dysfunctional, triggering relational patterns.

In co-parenting counseling at Sparrow Counseling, we emphasize focusing on the present and future needs of the children, rather than past conflicts or personal matters that do not directly impact parenting. To ensure sessions are constructive, we recommend avoiding discussions about the past, new personal relationships (unless they directly affect the children), and the personal spending habits of the other co-parent. The focus of the meeting is about making decisions in the children’s best interests around things like their education, health and safety.  By steering clear of unproductive topics, the counseling environment remains productive, allowing both parents to concentrate on collaborative strategies that support the well-being and development of their children.

Effective communication between co-parents is crucial for fostering a healthy environment for your children. When speaking with your co-parent, it's important to maintain a respectful tone, akin to how you would address a professional colleague or your boss. We teach our coparents a weekly email protocol that is very structured to help minimize any parental conflict.  We helps our coparents focus on sticking to the facts to minimize misunderstandings and assumptions. To keep communications clear and direct, we suggest using bullet points, ideally limiting them to 2-3 key points at a time. Avoid using absolutes such as "you always" or "you never," as they can escalate conflicts. It's also vital not to dredge up past resentments. Be mindful of the difference between opinions and facts, and steer clear of emotionally charged language that may come across as accusatory or defensive. By adhering to these guidelines, co-parents can create a more cooperative and positive co-parenting relationship.

At Sparrow Counseling, we advocate for co-parenting as it often provides the most beneficial environment for children when compared to parallel parenting. Co-parenting emphasizes open communication, collaboration, and consistency between parents, all of which are crucial for the emotional and social development of children. This approach not only offers stability and security but also ensures that both parents are involved in making key decisions, presenting a united front. By modeling healthy communication and conflict resolution, co-parenting can lead to improved emotional, behavioral, and academic outcomes for children. Although parallel parenting might be necessary in high-conflict situations to minimize stress and protect everyone’s well-being, the comprehensive benefits of co-parenting generally make it the preferred strategy for nurturing well-rounded and resilient children.  However, there are some coparents that simply cannot coparent together without triggering the other one.  In these high-conflict situations, we suggest that coparents move to a more parallel format where they have very little interaction with each other.

Dealing with a toxic co-parent can be strenuous, yet effective strategies exist to manage these challenges while safeguarding your child’s well-being. At Sparrow Counseling, we recommend establishing clear boundaries and adhering strictly to custody schedules to minimize conflicts. It's crucial to protect your child from any conflicts, ensuring they feel supported and loved without being caught in the middle of adult issues.

Prioritize your own well-being by engaging in stress management activities and seeking support from therapists or relevant groups. If the co-parenting situation impacts your child's safety or emotional health, consulting a family lawyer to discuss legal options or adjusting custody arrangements may be necessary. Consider using mediation services or a parenting coordinator to manage disputes effectively.

By maintaining a focus on what you can control, like modeling positive behavior and prioritizing your child’s needs, you can navigate the complexities of co-parenting with a toxic partner more effectively.

Co-parenting typically extends until a child reaches the age of majority, usually 19 years old, but the nature of co-parenting adapts as children grow and gain independence. In early childhood, significant coordination is required to manage daily routines and early education. During the school years, parents collaborate on school activities, homework, and social life. As teenagers, while children assert more independence, parents remain involved in major decisions about education, health, and discipline, continuing to offer essential emotional support and guidance.

Once children reach adulthood, formal co-parenting agreements usually conclude, yet many parents still find themselves collaborating on college decisions, health matters, and other significant life events. The relationship evolves into a more adult interaction, with continued support often being beneficial for the young adult's transition into full independence. For children with special needs or those pursuing extended education, co-parenting might continue to provide necessary coordinated support beyond the typical age of majority. The overarching goal throughout all stages is to support the child’s development and well-being, adapting parental involvement to suit their evolving needs.